NAVFLIR's Journal

Kathleen
I cant forget about her. It's simply impossible. Ive spent over a year now trying to move on, and I have made progress. I guess you can say that I have moved on, but Ill never be over her. She was the only reason I made it through boot camp. My only real motivation to get up every day. My only reason to stand tall and be proud of myself.

Then, she gave up on me. Things are better now. I found new things to motivate me. To keep me going, but they cannot compare. Nothing can compare to the feeling that I had those 3 days with her. I felt something. I know she felt something too. It hurts me every time I realize the truth: It's over. She's moved on. It can never be. It probably never was.

or at least it seems that way. It was too good to be true. I never believed in love at first sight until that night by the river. Everything was so perfect. My entire life simply fell into place the moment i looked into her eyes and the moonlight reflected off of her beautiful face. It was beyond imagination. I never thought that anyone could feel as alive as i did at that moment.

She brought my life together that night. And, after boot camp, tore it into so many pieces. Pieces that I dont think Ill ever be able to totally put back together.

I know she's moved on. She had to. Someone that wonderful. that beautiful. that, dare i say, perfect could never feel the same about me. Im am easy to replace. She deserves someone better than me anyways.

In the end, it was all my fault. I am the one that left her. Im the one who went to boot camp. If i could ever find a single person or thing worth giving up my future in the marine corps for... it would be her. She was worth so much more, and I let her go.

I refuse to forget about her. Not a day goes by that I dont think of her. Every sad song I hear on the radio hurts me and I wouldnt have it any other way. It is my punishment.

In the end, all I can do is suck it up, and live the rest of my life knowing that I passed up the opportunity of a thousand lifetimes.

I love you Kathleen.

Current Mood: Sorry

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